Without You
by Sarah Smythe
Summary: Blaine and Kurt have broken up, and a few months later Kurt receives a text from his ex-lover. A flame rekindles, but will things end as happily as they began?
1. Chapter 1

**Rating: R**

**Trigger warnings: Cutting, cheating (this chapter; there will be more later)**

**Pairings: Klaine, Seblaine**

**A/N: This is slightly AU; the only difference (and it's a big one) is that Kurt is in the closet from most of the school and from his dad. The only people that know he's gay are Rachel, Blaine, and Sebastian. Also, I AM NOT A BLAINE HATER. Please remember that; Blaine is by far my favorite character on the show. This story is modeled after events in **_**my**_** life. So if anything, I'm an ex-boyfriend hater.**

"Ugh," Kurt groaned, tossing his chemistry notes to the side of his desk and rubbing his eyes. He absolutely despised anything involving math or science, and of course chemistry had to have both, and it was also a requirement for graduation. He glanced at the clock next to his bed, and was startled to see that it was nearly 8:00. He needed to start on his skin care regime if he was going to be in bed by 9:00

As he sat down to his vanity, his phone vibrated with a text message. Assuming it was Rachel, or one of the other Glee club members with a question, he grabbed it immediately. His heart dropped when he saw who it actually was.

_Hey, Kurt, can we talk? It's Blaine._

An "unknown" number. But it was one Kurt Hummel knew all too well; he had dialed it about a million times, up until four months previously.

_No_, Kurt thought, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard. He was not going to answer this message. He had deleted Blaine Anderson's number, he had blocked him on Facebook, he had erased him from his life as much as possible. Blaine had done to same to him, he knew. Kurt heard stories from their mutual friends at Dalton, particularly Nick, whom they were both close to. Less than a week after their break up, Blaine had begun to date Sebastian Smythe. Kurt clenched his jaw every time he thought about it; because of the quick turnaround, Kurt was convinced that Blaine had been cheating.

Kurt had spent the better part of the last four months thinking of the flaws in the relationship, pinpointing things that helped him think that he and Blaine could have never lasted forever anyway. Unfortunately, the list was very small, so it didn't help much. Luckily Rachel was always there to listen to his complaints; it helped that she would listen to the same thing over and over again, and always say how Blaine was not worth his time, even though Kurt knew they had been friends.

He stared at his phone, trying to decide how to answer, if at all. Finally he typed, **About what?**

Less than a minute later he received a reply. _I want to catch up_.

**Why?**

_Because I don't want to lose touch with someone I spent nearly three years of my life with._

That hit Kurt hard. Three years. It had felt like so much longer than that. Yet with all that went on between the two of them, it wasn't surprising. They had been through more than most couples ever have to deal with, and they weren't even eighteen. Between Blaine's depression and self-esteem issues and Kurt's constant struggle to become the Broadway star he knew he was destined to be, the two of them were always in some form of turmoil. But their love held them together for nearly three years, until it didn't.

**Fine. What's been going on?**

_Nothing too much. Preparing for some gigs mostly. Always wrapped up in school._

It was true. Blaine was always trying to make up for the fact that he was gay to his parents, so he worked himself hard in his music and in his schoolwork. It was one of the things that always frustrated Kurt about him.

**Not surprised. Same old, same old then.**

Kurt clicked send, sensing the bitch in his tone. But, then, didn't Blaine deserve it? After everything he had put Kurt through, the absolute _hell_ he had to deal with, wasn't Kurt allowed to be bitter?

_Yeah, I suppose. How about you? It's been awhile._

**3 months. You know McKinley; nothing really changes around here.**

That's what Kurt typed. What he _wanted_ to say was, **3 months. It's been 3 painful, slow months of me telling myself that you're not worth my tears, that you're an absolute bastard and I can do better than you, **_**deserve**_** to do better than you. 3 months of telling my friends that nothing is wrong, that I was just tired or stressed. 3 months of dropping grades, being unable to tell my dad what was happening, why I had suddenly gone from an A-student to barely B's and C's. 3 months of slicing my leg open with scissors I keep by my bed in case something hits me and I have to hurt myself so I don't feel the fucking **_**emptiness**_** you left me with. 3. Fucking. Months.**

**3 fucking months. While you sit over in Westerville, curled up with Sebastian, perfect, stunning Sebastian. **

Tears sprung to his eyes as he remembered, thinking through it all. How badly he wanted to send that message, but no, all he could say was "nothing really changes around here."

_I heard about the play you directed. Congratulations, everyone said it was a big success. They said your casting was flawless_.

Kurt nearly snorted. Yeah, like Blaine really cared. Kurt had student directed the drama department's production of _Steel Magnolias_, which to anyone that didn't know him would have found weird, since it's an all women's show. It took a lot of self-restraint not to rewrite the script as an all-male cast, just for fun; luckily (sort of) there weren't enough boys in the company to be able to do the inverse.

**Yeah it was fine. It's been about a month though, so most people have forgotten about it.**

_I'm sure it was unforgettable. _

Kurt sighed, forcing himself to ignore the blush spreading across his face, suppressing the memories of Blaine calling him "unforgettable."

**Well, Blaine, I need to go to bed. Busy day tomorrow.**

_Oh. Alright. Good luck with your skin care. Can I text you tomorrow night?_

Kurt ran his fingers through his hair, pondering the question. Could he? Was Kurt willing to open up this relationship? Scratch that, he didn't want to call it a relationship, even in the platonic form. Was he ready to try to be friends with the boy that had completely broken his heart?

**Yeah, I guess.**

He breathed sharply as he hit send, feeling his heart drop to his stomach with the weight of his decision.

_Alright. Good night, Kurt._

**Night, Blaine.**

Kurt subconsciously typed "xo" afterwards, like he had every night for the almost three years they dated. It hurt him to back over them, two small letters that made a world of difference in the tone of a message, something he'd done every night to show Blaine how much he loved him.

He quickly opened a new message to Rachel. **We have a problem.**

What is it? she answered back quickly. Rachel was always a prompt texter, as long as she wasn't performing, which she usually wasn't at 8:30 on a Thursday night.

**Blaine just texted me.**

Kurt could almost sense Rachel frowning in disapproval.

And? What did he want?

**He just wanted to talk. He said he wants to maintain a friendship.**

He has to have some kind of ulterior motive, Kurt. You know this, you're not stupid.

Kurt applied his moisturizer slightly more rigorously, taking in the truth of her words. The problem was, _did_ he know that Blaine had another motive besides friendship? They had dated for so long, and Blaine had never given him any hint that he didn't lay everything out in front of him, that he was hiding anything, that he was doing anything to secretly benefit himself.

**Right… I guess we'll find out soon enough.**

Kurt, finish your skin and go to sleep. Don't make any rash decisions, okay? And please, please, PLEASE don't get too wrapped up in this. I can't watch you spiral back down again.

He bit his lip. The problem was, it's impossible to "spiral back down again" when he had never gotten back up to begin with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger warnings: Stabbing, mugging**

**A/N: Thanks for reading everyone! Don't expect me to update twice a day all of the time, I don't know what got into me today honestly. But here's chapter two (: I hate to beg for reviews but…. You know.**

When Kurt woke up the next morning, he had forgotten the previous night's events. That is, until he unplugged his phone from its charger and saw the texts, and he felt his heart fall and lift at the same time. He shook his head to drive some sense back into it, but it was useless. He knew he was starting to fall for Blaine again.

_No,_ he told himself fiercely. _You are not doing this. I will not let you do this._

Almost on cue, his phone buzzed with a message from Rachel.

No, Kurt.

He laughed in spite of himself, replying, **Are you psychic or something?**

He went over to his dresser to pick out his outfit for the day. After a moment's pondering, Kurt selected a black crossover jacket and a pair of red skinny jeans. He smiled a bit, recalling Blaine's constant mention of how the pants were so tight they looked like they were painted on to his legs. He groaned to himself as he realized that he was thinking of Blaine positively.

_Blaine. Is. An. Asshole, _Kurt repeated to himself, over and over again until he was so disgusted with the red pants that he exchanged the whole outfit, settling instead for a royal blue button down and what he lovingly called his "sex jeans," which basically made him feel hot no matter what.

Checking the time and realizing he was fifteen minutes behind schedule, Kurt quickly jumped into the shower and finished getting ready for school. As he went to head out to his car, he heard his dad call from the kitchen.

"Hey, Kurt! Are you coming straight home after school today?"

"Um," Kurt thought. "I'm not sure. I might be going to the Lima Bean with Rachel. I'll text you and let you know, okay?"

"Alright, I might be going to dinner with Carol tonight, so don't wait up if you come home," Burt said, peaking his head around the corner of the hallway to make eye contact with his son at the door. "I love you, okay? Drive safe."

"Love you too, Dad. See you later."

* * *

><p>"Kurt, we need to talk."<p>

Kurt sighed, pulling his book bag higher up on his shoulder. "Can I at least get my combination in? I'd like to get to class on time."

Rachel crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. "You can't avoid me. We need to discuss what happened with Blaine last night."

Kurt shot her a glare. "You need to keep quiet, Rachel!" he whispered. "No one knows I'm gay, no one knows he and I dated."

"Kurt, seriously, you are being ridiculous-"

"At least don't use his name," Kurt replied, reluctant to even give her that much.

"Fine. We need to talk about what happened with You-Know-Who. What exactly did he say?"

"He just said that he wanted us to stay friends," Kurt answered, hanging his bag on the hook in his locker. "He didn't want to stop talking to someone that he spent nearly three years of his life with. And I have to say, I agree."

"Kurt, he broke your heart!" Rachel cried out. She dropped quieter as she felt Kurt's glare. "You know I'm only looking out for you. You know him, you know how sweet he can act, how perfect he can be until he's _not_ and –"

"Rachel, it's not like we're getting back together," Kurt interjected solemnly, staring blankly into his locker. "Just relax. I'm not going to let him hurt me."

Rachel sighed. "Fine. Fine, I'll stay out of this for now. But I swear if he hurts you…"

"I'm stronger than you think I am, Rachel."

Rachel gave him a knowing look, and Kurt knew that she knew that, while he was strong, getting crushed by Blaine Anderson could very well destroy him.

"Do you want to go to the Lima Bean after school?" Kurt asked, grabbing his books for Calculus and shutting his locker.

"Can't," Rachel said, turning to walk with him down the hall. "It's Friday, remember? You know I sing karaoke at Gene's every Friday."

"Oh, right," Kurt answered. He had forgotten that it was Friday already; this meant that he would have a whole weekend of talking to Blaine already, without the break that school provided.

"You can come with me, if you want," Rachel added hurriedly, sensing his mild distress.

Kurt smiled at her. "Thanks, but I don't really feel like being out late. I think I'll just go home and watch _Project Runway_ reruns, or something. Have a night in."

"Are you sure? I could always use a duet partner."

"Yes," Kurt confirmed. "I need a night to relax anyway."

They reached the end of the hall, where they always split up in the morning. Kurt turned to say goodbye, and was caught off guard by Rachel throwing her arms around him.

"I love you, okay?" she murmured into his ear. "I just don't want to see you get hurt, you know that."

Kurt felt tears stinging his eyes. Rachel was such a good friend, he could always count on her to be there for him, and he had no idea how to show her how grateful he was. "Thanks, Rachel," was all he could say.

* * *

><p>They day went by uneventfully, and when Kurt got home his dad was still at work. These were relaxed days for Kurt; he was able to come home, slip into his comfortable pair of <em>Hawkeyes<em> sweatpants (bought for him by a friend of his father's for his birthday; clearly they had not spent too much time together) and a long-sleeved knit top. He would never leave his house in such attire, but when he was by himself it was so nice to just unwind.

Kurt laid down on his bed, grabbing the remote control and flipping through the channels on his television until he settled on a marathon of _Say Yes To The Dress_. Just as the first woman burst into tears over the perfection of her fourth dress (Kurt honestly thought it made her hips look much too big and that she should have gone with dress number two), Kurt's phone lit up with a message.

_Hey you. (:_

Blaine. Of course. Kurt was actually surprised that he hadn't texted him all day, but then again if he was with Sebastian he probably wouldn't want him knowing that they were on speaking terms again.

**Hey :) What's up?**

_Nothing, just got out of Warblers practice. We have a gig at some restaurant tomorrow night, so we're trying to take it easy for today. How about you?_

Kurt sighed in remembrance; the Warblers always seemed to have a gig. It was one of the many things that drove him crazy during their relationship. Even though Blaine said otherwise, the Warblers always came first, and then Kurt was second. He marginally understood it, but he hated how Blaine lied about it. His stomach clenched as he realized that those extra hours of Blaine's were spent with Sebastian. He shook his head, telling himself that they were dating now, that it was time for all of those bitter emotions to be let go.

_That's exciting. Haha I remember when Thad was against the Warblers doing gigs at all. And I'm actually doing nothing, for once, just watching Say Yes To The Dress._

**Bahaha yeah, "THIS IS A KANGAROO COURT." Those were some interesting days. When I, as a 15 year-old, serenaded a 19 year-old with a song about sex toys. In public. Why did you guys let me do that?**

Kurt laughed. In retrospect, it was a really terrible idea. Kurt had been against it for selfish reasons, but any of the Warblers should have been able to tell Blaine that the song choice was a little… off.

_I honestly couldn't tell you. I guess we just liked to keep our Head Warbler happy._

**We always had a great time, didn't we?**

Kurt's heart thudded loudly in his throat, and he could feel himself breaking into a light sweat. He took a deep breath to calm himself. Blaine meant the Warblers. He was not referencing their relationship. Right?

_Yeah, we really did._

He stared at the message, unsure of what to add. He couldn't just leave it like that, but what else was he supposed to say really? He clicked send, laying his phone on the pillow next to him to continue watching the show. Blaine quickly texted back, probably realizing how awkward the conversation was becoming.

**So, have you come out to anyone yet?**

Kurt bit his tongue.

_No, still just you, Rachel, and_ – he hesitated before typing – _Sebastian._

**Oh.**

Kurt raised his eyebrow. What was that supposed to mean? He had told Blaine that he wasn't going to come out until the end of senior year; in a place as homophobic as Lima, Ohio, the risk just wasn't worth it.

_Anything else interesting happening in your life?_ Kurt asked, changing the subject.

**Well, I was mugged the other day.**

Kurt's eyes widened and mouth fell open in shock.

_WHAT? Are you okay?_

Those several moments of uncertainty nearly drove Kurt to bite his nails (nearly, there was no way he was going to ruin his perfect cuticles without a good reason).

**Yes, yes, don't worry. I was walking down the street alone in Chicago (I was visiting my aunt), and some guy jumped me from behind. I threw him off, though. He pulled out a knife to cut me, and I had to grab my own and stab him.**

Kurt stared at his phone in disbelief. Blaine? Stab someone?

_Are you in trouble? Like, I know it was self-defense, but still, you kind of stabbed someone._

**No, I called the police right away (since the guy was bleeding and everything, I didn't want him to die) and they did a report and I was let go.**

_Wow. That's crazy._ He hesitated again. _I'm glad you're okay._

**Thanks, Kurt.**

_Okay, well, my dad wants to go out to eat_, Kurt lied, trying to end the conversation before he got wrapped up. _I'll talk to you tomorrow or something, okay?_

**Oh. Alright, have fun with your dad. (:**

Kurt set his phone down and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. He had a terrible feeling that he was getting himself wrapped up into a mess he did not want to deal with. But at the same time, he was talking Blaine Anderson again. It was taking all of his conscious effort not to be falling back in love with him; he had to keep reminding himself the hell the relationship put him through and how there was no way they could have worked out together anyway.

But, after feeling the worry and heartache that discovering Blaine's dangerous encounter had given him, Kurt knew that he was in trouble. He needed to control himself, but he really wasn't sure how. What he did know, however, was that Rachel was going to have to wait until the next day to find out what had happened, because he did not feel like listening to her warnings at the moment.


End file.
